"We've got Bush!" -Booger, Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

Well, it's over. As of 5 minutes ago Kerry just called Bush and conceded the presidency. Good! Not because Bush won, but because I'm so sick and tired of hearing about this election that I wish we had a deaf mute in office.Shit was ridiculous yall. All the election talk we've been hearing about for the past year and a half has gotten on my nerves so bad I was almost wishing I was canadian for a minute. but then i realized that would suck and came back to my senses. But seriously, every tv station, every radio station, every article in magazine and newspapers. Election, election, election. Shit was so exploited that it made me feel even more worse about politics than I ever did before. And i thought that couldn't have been possible. I was wrong. One thing I kept hearing was about my state. "Ohio is the most important state of the election". Wow! Nice to see someone recognize us for something other than a homo-erotic football team. So regardless who you voted for, the winner is Bush, deal with it and move the fuck on. Life is still living. Let's hope for the best.

Mariah Carey topless. You fuckin perverts.

They must not make them to smart in Boston, eh Mark E. Brennan?

Wanna learn how to fold that shirt you're always wearing?

The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I was on vacation all last week. It's the first vacation I've had in 2 years and a milked it for every minute it was worth. I didn't do a fuckin thing. I didnt go on any trip or any bullshit like that. I occasionally went out or chilled at the crib and watched horror flicks. It was great. But now that vacation has come to an end and I'm back to being a slave for The Man. Oh well, hopefully I can afford to take a trip on my next vacation, like to Columbus. P.S. Chipotle is the best food on Earth.

This dude finally had the balls to say what we think. Bravo!

Sheeeeit. I thought my mom used to like to party.

And today's wtf goes to.....

During my vacation i through my infamous Halloween party. We had a great turn out. Everyone had a good time and partied until 7 in the morning. Not me though. I drank so much Crown Royal that I passed out and collapsed. My girlfriend had to undress me. I dont remember a fuckin thing. I was up early that morning though trying to prepare for the party. So the mixture of being up early and Crown knocked me on my brown eye. But everyone had fun, and the keg was bone dry. 362 days to go until the next one. That should give you fuckers enough time to save up and come party with some REAL sons a bitches. My boy Torry (who was so drunk he was walking around with throw up on his shirt) took some pictures so I'll be posting them. You gotta see Escobar looking like Nelly. And Caesar finally had a build. He'll prolly be wearing the fake muscle suit to the club and asking drunk bitches to arm wrestle. It wouldn't be a first.

Out of all the names for a urologist to be named.

This dude got owned like slavery.

Here's some p0rn for Caesar to get his jerk on.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas ownz jooooooooooo!!! The game is off the fuckin hook. If you dont have this game, go buy it. If you dont have a Playstation 2, then go buy one, then go buy this game. The gameplay is amazing. The story and characters are awesome. The soundtrack has me reminiscin of my "40 ounce and big booty bitches" days. Name another game where you can pull off a 4 person drive-by. You can't. So for these reasons alone, this game should be in your house. And you should be playing it instead of sitting there reading some loser's blog.

Enrique is a fucker!

During vacation, I saw The Grudge. It was REALLY good. Finally nice to see a genuine SCARY horror movie in the theaters. I even jumped a few times and i'm not easy to scare (check out the macho chest hairs). But this movie was shot really well and has remained number 1 at the box office for 2 weeks in a row. Even beating Ray and The Saw (both of which i wanna see). If you like a good ghost movie with some scares and suspense, go to the theater and give The Grudge your 10 bucks. You wont regret it.

Well, I'm out. Shouts to the big bad ass 19th Corps. We own Call of Duty bitches. Shouts to Stone Pimp and Jessica for posting. I need all the encouragment i can get to keep this going. Also, yall got the riddle correct. Congrats. But try to get this one right.....

What are the only two questions you will NEVER be able to answer?

ENJOY.

I decided to do an update due to the fact that I have all next week off. Yes ladies and gentleman, I am on vacation. First one I've had in over 2 years. Honestly, I cant believe it. I keep waiting for my boss to call me and be like "Uh I gotta have you in here." And that's when I make a specific gesture while saying "After I work my sack on your tonsils." I have no plans for my vacation. I'm not going anywhere or anything like that. Just gonna take it easy and relax. I mean, i might go out a few nights and Oct. 30th is my halloween party, but other than that i'm just chillin. Grand Theft Auto San Andreas comes out next tuesday(26th) so I'm sure I'll be wasting part of my vacation playing that. lol. Plus i plan on taggin me a deer sometime that week. My pops just got one yesterday. I wish i coulda been there so i could've kicked that deer in the fuckin head. Then do a Hulk Hogan leg drop on it.

Can someone loan me $11,000? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease.

You're a freak.

Glad to see Stone Pimp leave a comment. Thanx man. That's more than my own faggot ass friends will do. *Start whining voice* "We have to sign up." *End whining voice* So! It takes 2 minutes of your life to sign up you bitch-made nutsac smellers. Like yalls life is so important and your time is so valuable that those 2 minutes just cannot be rationed. Anyways, Stone is a member of my Call of Duty clan the 19th Corps. Well, i'm not really in the clan but i might as well be. For more info on the 19th Corps go here. Visit the forums and leave this as your first comment...."Shoefly, you're a cheatin fucker."

Some prank calls. I havent heard them yet cuz i'm at work. But here ya go.

This dude ownz.

Don't want Kerry in the White House? No more Bush? Behold our new President.

The Red Sox did it yall. They beat the hell out of the Yanksters. I'm not a Red Sox fan, or even much of a baseball fan for that matter. But I loved seeing the Sox come back from an 0-3 series and beat the overpriced and overrated money machine we call the Yankees. Just goes to show you that you can buy all the best players in the world. But if you dont play as a team and lose focus, you arent any better than the average team. I loved seeing that they actually changed baseball history against the Yanks. Seein A-Rod's bitch made face after the game was priceless. 28 million dollars a year and you're 0 and 4?? Way to spend that money Mr. Stinebrenner. Or should i say, Way to spend that money Yankees fans. Cuz you all know that you're paying that man's contract with the overpriced tickets. The overpriced food and drinks. The overpriced shirts and hats. So i ask you, is it worth it?

"20 Biggest Pimps in the History of the World". Look who's at number one bitches!

This dude probably asks his teammates to "Squeal like a pig!"

Sounds like my boy Caesar has been drinking too much again.

The Dawn of the Dead remake is coming out on dvd October 26th. It's gonna be uncut. YES! For those who havent seen this movie, buy this shit. It's good. Definitely worth the 19 bucks. At first when i heard this movie was coming out i was like "i dont know". Cuz i'm a fan of the original. But they added a new element to the movie....running zombies. And i have to admit, shit was bad ass. The suspense is amazing for a zombie flick. Usually, zombie movies tend to be a little slow and dragged out. Not this one. The action is pretty relentless. And i cant imagine how the uncut version is gonna look. But come tuesday, i will.

I gotta get some of these shirts.

Get your acid ready.

Well, my state is definitely gonna be the new Florida. Seems like there is a HUGE voting scandal brewing up here in Ohio. In one town up here, there are over 1000 more registered voters than actual people in the town. Some of these "extra people" are "Mary Poppins", "Michael Jordan", "Dick Tracy", and "George Foreman". And now it seems that there is a guy who is trying to sell his vote. LOL! And we are supposed to lead by example to these other countries we are trying to bring democracy and voting to. lol. Only in America.

Wanna see what drugs look like, kids?

For the lonely man in you.

Howard Stern is switching to Sirius satellite radio in January 2006. Guess who's getting Sirius radio when that happens? I've been debating it anyways because Eminem has his own channel on there. He plays exclusive tracks from Shady and Aftermath. Plus i've been hearing that the hip hop station on Sirius is good. And i heard the comedy stations are off the hook. If anybody has Sirius or knows about it persoanlly, drop me a comment and let me know. Any info is appreciated. Oh yeah, Fuck Clear Channel.

This would be a cool fuckin thing to own.

These are funny. I love the "Signs" one. The "Dr. Suess" one is funny as fuck too.

A class every girl should take. Figures, it's offered at Ohio State.

His new name is P. Doody.

The Ohio State Buckeyes lost again last saturday. Funny, when Ohio State was undefeated their first couple of games (against chump-ass loser teams) all i kept hearing was "Ohio State is gonna kill Michigan. Ohio State is gonna kick some ass this year. I'll bet you this! I'll bet you that!" Well, i took a few bets and it's looking ot be almost a sure thing. I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch. But Michigan is playing good this year and Ohio State is looking like the Bad News Bears of college football. Right before football season, I tried to tell these hard headed Ohio State fans that they arent gonna do shit this year. Not because I'm a Michigan fan, but because it was painfully obvious that the Buckeyes blew their wad last year. They sat on Zwick and didn't prep him to start. He didnt get barely any experience. They wanted Krenzel in the game every fuckin second. But if you know like I know, you cant tell a Buckeye fan shit. "Ohio State doesn't play easy teams." "Ohio State doesn't get the calls." I cant wait till after the Michigan/Ohio State game so i can hear that famous Buckeye fan phrase..."Wait till next year."

I'm gonna bounce now. Hopefully, my vacation wont go by too fast. In the meantime, i leave you with this riddle. If u know the answer..leave the comment. If you want the answer...leave a comment with your email address. Good luck.

A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.

The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?

Suck My Halloweenie!!

Well, i havent added a new post for a while due to lack of motivation. Since nobody has left comments, I'm thinking that nobody is reading this. So basically it feels like i'm wasting my own time. I'll keep at it for a little longer. I guess until i feel like enough is enough.

Anyways, a lot has happened since my last post. First off we got Martha Stewart in prison. Prison? Let's re-phrase that. Camp. Yeah thats more like it. The media have been calling it "prison", but when the "prison" you go to is titled "Camp Cupcake" you can't expect shanks and phone checks. But there might be a little cooter chewin goin on up in there. Martha's probably getting the cake batter sucked out of her as we speak. That shit would be hilarious tho, if Martha came out all dyked out with prison tats. She'd hook up with Rosie O'Donell and shit. Rosie would get even fatter cuz we all know Martha like to cook. She would turn her show into a butch-fest. Nothin but manly dykes on there making pigs in a blanket. Shit would be funny.

Wanna see Bill Gates' crib?

Speaking of rich mufuccaz...

Leaked pages from PC Gamer of Half Life 2 review.

Two greats have passed on since we last spoke. First being Rodney Dangerfield. This is extremely sad for me. I'm a huge Caddyshack fan. Rodney was one of the funniest characters (if not the funniest) in the movie. Not to mention the other hilarious films he's been in such as Easy Money and Back to School. He did more for comedy than what most comedians do. He broke a lot of unknown comics on to the scene such as Sam Kinison and Jerry Seinfeld. Rodney always seemed to stay humble too. He was making appearances and doing acts up to his death. Now thats dedication to your craft.Well, R.I.P. Rodney. You're probably up in heaven telling God that you get no respect. And in the meantime, we're down here on earth having to put up with comedians like Everybody Loves Raymond.

Gotdamn!

The other great that died was Christopher Reeves. Eventhough his accident left him handicapped, i still never thought he would be dying. I figured that since he lived through the initial part of it, then all would be well. I see i was wrong. I wasnt a big Christopher Reeves fan, but i dig the Superman flicks (except for the last one). Superman 2 was the best. "Kneel before Zod!" Dude was trippin, lol. Anyways, i hear that they are trying to make another Superman. As far as i'm concerned, they shouldnt. No one is gonna be able to replace Reeves in that role. If Superman really existed, he couldn't even play that role better than Reeves. R.I.P. to the ONLY Superman.

Here is someone who obviously felt differently about Mr.Reeves.

owned.

Sounds like my sister.

This is for my boy Mike.

This is for my boy Evan.

I cant front, this would be cool to have.

Well, I bought the Friday the 13th box set like i said i would. And i must say it was one of the best investments i've made all year. I've only watched the first 3 so far, but that's because the atmosphere has to be right. I like it completely dark and uninterrupted. And at my crib, getting those variables isn't exactly easy. Especially the latter. But when they did, i took advantage. The movies looked great. Better than ever. And i must admit, there were a couple of scenes that still gave me chills, eventhough i've seen them 100s of times. The scene at then end of Part 2 when the first time we see a deformed Jason jump through the window. It still has the same effect. Cool. If you own a dvd player(and if you dont u need a vcr shoved up your ass) and love horror, muster up $50 and go buy this. You cheap bastids.

Speaking of horror, there are some horror flicks getting ready to be released at the theaters that look like some definite "must sees". The first being Saw (trailer). WOW! That's all i can say about it. I was telling my girlfriend about it, but she wasnt really diggin it. Then she saw the previews for it. Now she wants to see it more than I do. LOL. A serial killer who kidnaps people and puts them through "tests". This movie couldnt be bad if it tried. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is Danny Glover. I hate him. He's an asshole in real life and a terrible actor. I hope they don't overdub his lines in this movie like they do in ALL the Lethal Weapons. "Ay ay, Riggs." But regardless, it's a small price to pay to see a good, suspensful horror flick. The other horror movie i wanna see is The Grudge(trailer). It stars Sarah Michelle Gellar(Buffy could get it) and is a eerie looking ghost flick. This movie is actually a remake of a japanese horror flick called "Ju-on". From what i hear from the horror community, Ju-on is one of the scariest movies ever made. So i was at odds. Do i watch the original first, or do i give the remake a chance? Well, i made up my mind that after i saw that the original Japanese director of Ju-on is also the director of The Grudge, i decided to see The Grudge first. Plus, the trailer for it looks bad ass. After seeing this american version, i'll check out the original. It's good to see some horror flicks make it to the cinemas in time for halloween. That doesnt happen very often, especially lately. So i'm amped.

Oh, and by the way, for My friend Mike and the rest of you Ring fans.

Horror isnt limiting itself to the cinemas this halloween. There is a new channel coming called The Horror Channel that is supposedly starting its broadcasting on October 31st. Its a 24 hour uncut horror movie channel. There are no interrupting commercials, only bookend commercials (like HBO) between films. I want this shit so bad I'd smack my mama with my own penis to get it. But there hasnt been any info released on it as of yet. Nobody knows who's gonna get it, no advertisements, no channel line-up, no info at all. That right there might be the biggest scare of all. If i dont get it, i'm goin to Uncle Creepy's(Horror Channel forum moderator)house and flushing his head down the toilet. For more info on it, go to their official site.

All this Halloween talk has me getting hyped up for my annual Halloween Bash. Every year I throw a costume party thats turned into kind of a tradition now. I go all out(with the limited funds i have) and try to make it a good time for everyone. Hopefully my friend Evan doesnt make a Harry Buffalo again. He had all the bitches puking the last time he brought one. Nothing makes a chick more attractive than hearing her violently vomiting the bathroom. Way to go Evan. My boy Mike dressed up as Morpheus last year. He looked just like that mufucca. Shit was uncanny. And the drunker I got, the more i was waiting for him to offer me a red or blue pill. Hopefully, this party will be successful. Usually, the party is at my parents house out in the middle of nowhere. It's cool for bonfires, you can be as loud as you want, get naked, and piss where you please. But this year, we're having it at my house. So i hope i dont have to bust anyone's ass for fuckin up my shit.

For sale.

Some cool ass illusions.

This is what i call a bad day.

Want to be a CIA spy? think u got what it takes?

LOL! I watched part of The Debates: Reloaded last night. Why are there 3 debates broadcasted when it's the same debate over and over again? It's the same questions people. If you havent made up your mind who you're voting for after the first debate, then you are a shit for brains that needs to stay away from the ballot box. The debates depresses me. It makes me realize that these 2 guys are considered the best to run our country. Some sad shit. Either way we're fucked. I'm not voting, unless Hugh Heffner is running for president.

Football is sounding gay.

When bling goes too far.

The history of car logos.

The most racist site on the net.

Deer hunting season is in effect. My pops bought my deer license for me cuz I couldnt see myself paying $45. Shit is ridiculous. We have got to get Bob Taft out of office.Anyways, my dad wants me to go hunting with him. He knew i wasnt gonna pay that shit, so he did. I've been hunting once thus far. I didnt see shit for 4 hours. Then as we walk back to the truck, i see about 18 deer walking about 200 yards from me. Aint that a bitch? I've been hunting for 3 years now and havent even got a shot off yet. I want to kill a deer now. It's not about the meat anymore. It's about the hatred. I hate these fucks. And i wanna see one suffer. After i hit one with an arrow and track him down, i'm gonna run up and kick him in the deer balls. Fuckin deer.

An email i got....

Physicians:

a. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (Statistics courtesy of
U.S. Dept. of HHS)

Guns:

a. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.
c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.000188.


Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.


Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."


FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand.

(out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.)

Well, i'm out yall. Gonna go back to work....and play dominoes. lol.

Crackadamus Failed You All

Alright, I'm always man enough to admit when I'm wrong. And ladies and gentlemen I admit it, I was wrong. The illustrious and dominating career of Roy Jones Jr. is over in my eyes. In case you dont know, Roy lost last saturday to some chump mufucca. And if you read my post before this one, you know that I pretty much assumed Roy was gonna beat that dude's ass. Well Roy got knocked the fuck out. And I dont mean knocked to the canvas and tried to get back up. I mean he got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT. He was literally asleep. I sat and I watched one of the only true sports figures i actually look at as a hero lay lifeless in a ring he once dominated not too long ago. Shit was sad yall. I was actually hurt by the shit. My boy Mike(Escobar Manson) tried to call me after the fight and I didnt want to talk about it. I was crushed. I havent missed a Roy Jones fight since the mid 90s. I have almost followed his entire career. I wasn't a bandwagon fan like 90% of the people who dig Roy. I watched him get cheated in the olympics. I watched him fight on ESPN. I saw him dominate boxing for the last decade on HBO & PPV. And now, I have watched his career end. Roy just didnt look like himself. He wasnt boxing at all. He was barely throwing punches. And if you know Roy's boxing style, his defense is all about his reflexes. But Roy is getting older and with that his reflexes are getting slower. So his chin has to come into play now. And I'll be the first to admit, Roy has no chin. If someone sneezed on Roy's chin, he'd probably fall. He just doesnt want to box anymore. His heart isnt in it and you could tell when he was in the ring. I mean eventhough he's older now, Roy should've still dominated this dude. But you could just tell from the first bell that Roy didnt want to be there. Maybe that punch Tarver gave him affected him more than he let on. So, I have to say that Roy needs to retire. If his heart isnt in it anymore and he's not gonna fight like he used to, then he needs to call it a day. I'll miss seeing him put on his shows and knock mufuccaz out. Thank you Roy for all the entertainment you provided boxing for the last decade. You took boxing when it was deminshing to a Don King borefest and made it fun again. Boxing is going to miss you more than they realize right now. But believe me, soon they will.

The "Negro Please" auction of the year. but this is a close runner-up.

Huh?

She'll never leave you again.

Wierd shit your body can do. Very interesting.


The debates were funny. I think both candidates looked lackluster. Kerry made a couple of good points, but not many. And Bush kept ignoring comments that I wanted him to address (like not using US troops to get Bin Laden in Tora Bora and the development of nuclear bunker-buster bombs). But on the flip side, it was a 90 minute Bush Bash. Almost every question asked was aimed at Bush's "mistakes". But yet, not one question was asked about John Kerry's "mistakes". Hmmmm. What's up with Kerry's fascination with using "sanctions"? C'mon John, we used sanctions against Saddam. 16 times as a matter of fact. And he didnt follow any of them. He repeatedly wouldnt let inspectors in as he agreed to in the sanctions. And occasionally he had his troops fire weapons at inspectors. So what do you do to a man who is basically saying "fuck your sanctions"? You take him out. But according to Kerry, you try to give him more sanctions. LOL!!!! Ok?? Anyways, I watched this first hour of Sling Blade vs. Rain Man. Then I got bored and played Call of Duty.

How smart are you?

Owned. Nah, scratch that. PWNED!

Are you gay?

I cannot fuckin wait until tuesday. The Friday the 13th Box Set is being released. It's called "From Crystal Lake to Manhatten". It has Friday's 1 thru 8 with a ton of extra features. WOW! Now granted, not all were groundbreaking movies. But, they were all entertaining. Jason didnt become a wise cracking comedian like Freddy Dangerfield on Elm Street. He stuck to the script and found new ways to slaughter campers (taking that bitch in the sleeping bag and beating her against a tree OWNED!). And I dug that. But now, I'm gonna be able to see these flicks digitally remastered. It's gonna be fuckin sweet. I suggest to everyone, add this box set to your dvd collection. Ch-Ch-Ch. Ha-Ha-Ha. And if you didnt listen to me in my last post, buy the Star Wars dvd trilogy. My fanboy friend Caesar hasnt been the same since.

Get ready for the new 50s. Man, enough with the changing already.

Check out these state slogans:

Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California:
As Seen on TV

Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia:
Without Atlanta we're Alabama

Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois:
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky:
Five Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana:
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine:
We're Really Cold,
But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland:
A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan:
First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota:
10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi:
Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri:
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana:
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska:
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada:
Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey:
You Want a ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina:
Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota:
We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio:
We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma:
Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon:
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania:
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island:
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina:
We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee:
The Educashun State

Texas:
A Whole 'Nother Country!

Utah:
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont:
Yep

Virginia:
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington:
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia:
One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin:
Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming:
Wynot?

Happy birthday to my boy Justin. Old fucker. I would party wit'cha but I gotta work tomorrow morning. But if i could, we'd be kickin it. I'd go to a kareoke spot and sing "Throw the Jew Down the Well" while drinking Crown Royal out of the bottle. You know how I do.


Well, I'm gonna bounce outta here now. Enjoy your weekend bitches. I prolly wont do shit just like last weekend. Cuz I'm a 1053R and my life 5ux0r5! Anyways, support our troops.

Star Wars: Attack of the Fanboys

DUUUH DUUUH DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUH DUH, DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUH DUH, DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUH. I just copped the Star Wars trilogy on dvd so I'm lovin it. I am a huge Star Wars fan. Not as much as my friend Caesar Manson who is the epitome of a Star Wars fanboy. But I am a fan, none the less. I've only got to watch A New Hope thus far because between playing United Offensive and my girlfriend hogging the GOOD tv, i really havent had time to watch the others. But the remastering of one of the greatest movies of all time was done perfectly. The clarity is amazing. The effects are crisp and clear. And the sound will blow your fucking mind. Seriously. Caesar and I had the surround sound turned up loud and that shit was fuckin amazing. I plan on watching Empire Strikes Back sometime tonight. My girl's gonna be at work, so the sound is gonna be WAAAAAAAAY up. Prolly have the local police knocking on my door thinking I'm inside shooting a blaster and telling people I'm their father. It aint me Officer, it's George Lucas. BTW, Han shot first.

A new religion is upon us.

Wanna help break a world record? Apply.

I watched the coolest TV show to hit the small screen in a while. "LOST". If you havent peeped it out yet, do so. It comes on wednsday at 8pm on ABC. Shit is off the hook. It's about people surviving on a desolate island after a plane crash. And if you think that's rough, then I won't mention the huge monster-thing that is stalking them out as well. Whoops. Anyways, this show is superbly acted. The story is very compelling. And the effects are the best I've seen for a television show. The series has my attention and I will be faithfully watching it every wednsday at 8pm. I suggest you do the same. Or you can stick to watching pole smokers on MTV's The Real World you maggots.

Chick or dick?

"Good relationships with clients"?? Look at the image's filename at the top.

Ichibod Crane is alive and well in Iraq. I mean, he must be. With all the headless mufuccaz over there, I'm waiting for Fox News to report seeing a headless man riding a horse, throwing pumpkins at people. Shit is getting ridiculous, man. I mean they are sawing heads off of hostages left and right. It's happening so much, that the effect of it isn't as shocking as it used to be. I mean it's sad, but all it does is anger me rather than scare me like the terrorists want. Fuck them mufuccaz. C'mon yall, what more reason do we need? We have nukes, lets try them out and see if they work. They love Allah so much, let's get them to him as soon as possible.

If hackers ran the world.

Ready for a heart attack?

I love Vida Guerra with all my heart. She is the definition of perfection. But she crossed over. She is now charging $40 a month for membership to her site. 40 DOLLARS?!?!? Get the fuck outta here. I better at least get hand release from her for 40 bucks. Shit is ridiculous. Oh well, I'll just wait for someone to leak the content all over Al Gore's intraweb. Vida, eventhough you trying to make too much money, I still love ya.

Too far.

Just do it. Right-o.

Just heard that WWF's The Big Bossman was found dead. WTF?! What's up with all these wrestlers dying at young ages. Is there something going on in wrestling's dark side? Kids, just goes to show you the lasting effects of steroids on the body. But of course, according to Vince McMahon "We don't allow usage of steroids in the WWE." LOL! Yeah right. Look at Triple H's forehead and tell me that shit again. Shut the fuck up Vince, and tell your daughter to show us those big ole meat bags.

Roy Jones is fighting saturday on HBO (wow, i forget the last time i didnt have to pay to watch a boxing match). Anyways, Roy is fighting some chump mufucca. Dude looks old as hell. Like he's in his 50s or some shit. All I have to say is Antonio "Buster Douglas" Tarver is a punk. When Roy beat him the first time, he allowed Tarver a rematch right away. But when Tarver's fluke punch put Roy down for the count, he wouldnt let Roy get the rematch. Now really, who is the loser? After he won the belts from Roy, Tarver was sayin "I'll fight Lennox, Tyson, Hopkins, anybody." Well, where you been then Antonio? I havent seen you since the day after you won the belts. Face it homie. You're a fluke. A one hit wonder (literally). Everyone knows Roy was owning Tarver in the second fight and Antonio just happened to throw a wild ass left hook with his head down that happened to catch Roy square on the chin. He won no doubt. But Antonio needs to prove that shit wasnt a fluke like everyone thinks it is. Give Roy a rematch and quit being a pussy. As for Roy, I hope he gets back into seriously boxing like he used to. A first loss can kill a boxer (look at Prince Naseem). Roy is the best pound for pound boxer in the world. One fluke punch isnt gonna change that.

Caesar will like this since he gets called to jury duty every other week.

Aight. I'm out. Leave some comments you bitches.

"Bush Killed My Son"...sounds like he got some bad pussy

Hmmm. Seems like a Bush protester is under arrest for disrupting Laura Bush's campaign speech. The protester, who is a woman, was wearing a shirt that said "Bush Killed My Son". First off, I respect ANYONE who goes to war for our country. Straight up. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Anyone that is willing to die for America gets all the respect in the world from me. And I am sorry for this woman's loss of her son. But, Bush isn't to blame for her son's death. Her son enlisted in the service knowing that at any given time, whether he agrees or not, he could be shipped off to war. As bad as it sounds, it's the truth. I don't like seeing any American soldier hurt or dead, but that is the risk they take when they enlist. Whether this woman agrees with Bush or not is irrelevant. This was her son's choice. Respect his life and heroism because he deserves it. Don't tarnish it by getting arrested and thrown in the back of a police van. By the way, this woman shouldn't have been arrested either. If Bush was a real MAN, let alone president, he would get this woman out of jail and have a heart to heart with her. That move alone would seal the election for him and help install the enormous respect I once had for him.

Giuliani 2008!!!!

CRACKADAUMS STRIKES AGAIN!!! Let me jump on my own dick for a minute and say "I'm The Shit!" In one of my first posts I said that Rick James didn't die of "natural causes" as reported, but from drug overdose. Well, it seems they found 9 different drugs in Rick's body. GOT DAMN!! NINE?!?!?! That's getting more than just high. That's getting fuckin OBLITERATED. And the toxicology report said "None of the drugs or drug combinations, however were found to be at levels that were life-threatening in and of themselves." NINE?!?! Get the fuck outta here. He was a 56 year old man. Nine different drugs in a 56 year old man's body, who has had a stroke, has to do some serious damage. It seems like someone is going through great lengths to try to cover up Rick's death. But why? We all know he's a crackhead. I love Rick James, but lets be real, Rick was a crackhead. Ah well, he'll be missed. If you look up to the sky and don't see any clouds, that's because Rick is in heaven snorting them up.

I told ya France was a bunch of pussies.

Jennifer Aniston aka "Pepperoni Nipples".

Ivan fucked up Alabama. Bad. Like I said it would. Didn't know it would be Alabama, but I knew Ivan was gonna be a bastard. I turned on the tv this morning and it looked like a bomb dropped on 'Bama. Big buildings literally crumbled to rubble. Then I thought "here we go again" when I saw that a buncha people got fucked up in a trailer park. Nascar dumbfucks are so stupid that they think their trailer can withstand 160mph winds! 5 muthafuckas could rock a trailer and make it fall. Lack of common sense must be required to purchase a trailer. "You have common sense? Well, I'm sorry but you're not gonna be able to purchase the Santana Southern 750." Quit fuckin your sisters, turn the tv from WWE to the Weather Channel and pay attention you fuck sticks.

'The fuck outta here!!!

Dumbest Olympic broadcasting moments.

Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are partners in the Ryder Cup. That should be good to see. Hopefully, Tiger can get that Swedish bitch outta his head and play some small ball like he used to. Bitches will fuck your whole shit up. Tiger is no longer the best golfer in the world. He's fuckin up bad. Well, karma is a bitch. I keep hearing about how much of an asshole Tiger Woods is. I heard he only leaves dollar tips and shit. WTF?? So I guess it all comes back to ya. Tiger needs to grow the fuck up and realize his shit stinks just like ours. I like Tiger as a golfer, but as a human being he can be compared to a car salesman. Slick talk but an asshole lurks within.

Who would you fuck?

He shouldn't have been an author. He shoulda been in porn.

Just copped Call of Duty: United Offensive for PC yesterday. WOW! Fuck the original Call of Duty. This expansion is the only way to go. I've been playing Call of Duty hardcore now for about a year. When I heard about the expansion, I didn't think there was enough to warrant my $30 bucks. But boy was I wrong. If you love PC games and own Call of Duty, go cop this. You can drive tanks and jeeps now. More weapons. The maps are huge. And the graphics and sounds are more crisp and clear. Big ups to Caesar Manson for opening my eyes to this awe inspiring game. Now I just gotta wait for Tuesday...Star Wars Battlefront and Rome: Total War. Plus I gotta cop the Star Wars Trilogy dvd set. Yes, I am a huge nerd.

Some movies I saw recently that I'll give short reviews on...

Girl Next Door....funny but unrealistic as hell. Wasn't a big Elisha Cuthbert fan, but after seeing this, now I am. That broad was sexy as hell in this flick. Her scenes alone are worth the time to watch this movie.

Taking Lives....boring. Other than the fact that you get to see Angelina Jolie's snatch get pounded, there's nothing really special abut this movie. It's predictable as hell. It tried to be a Seven copycat but failed miserably.

The Punisher....hmmmmmmm. It's ok. I'm a huge Punisher fan so of course I critiqued the hell out of it and prolly didnt give it a fair chance. It's definitely better than that Dolph "I was in Rocky 4" Lundgren bullshit that came out in the 90s. But I still don't think they did the Punisher justice. Shoulda been way more hardcore.

Starsky and Hutch....surprisingly, this was the best movie of the bunch listed here. The comedy was outstanding. Stiller and Owen Wilson are good together. Their brand of humor is similar and works well. I thought this movie was gonna stink like Oprah after a marathon, but it was good. Definitely give it a chance. P.S. There's a scene with Carmen Electra in a lesbian kiss. YES!!

I got a pretty cool email that has a 26 interesting facts. Thought I'd include them here since I didn't know most of them.

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

Some Penis Facts....
Actual amount of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start exercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, wheat germ, chicken fingers from Erie dining hall

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet. Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste. Dairy products can create a foul taste; the taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest. ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE. Examples:
oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown, etc. drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun)

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie (happy thanksgiving!)

Yes, the penis does shrink in cold water

It is common for men to wake up with 'morning wood', a name for an a.m. erection

Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false


And on that note, I'm out. Gonna play some United Offensive tonight. If you wanna get owned, come find Ghengis Manson. Werd.

P.S. Some comments would be nice.

R.I.P. to russian victims....and Putin's Career

I know. I know. I haven't posted in a while, but I figured no one would be too pressed about it since it seems that i dont have many fans. Hell, i have to remind my own friends to look at this blog. Sad i know.

The Russian school stand-off turned into a bloodbath as I predicted. I feel sorry for any russian that is being held hostage. These russian soldiers/policemen have no tactics whatsoever except to shoot any and everybody. If you remember a few years ago during the Russian theater hijacking, the same thing happened. Russian soldiers stormed the building and a ton of people got wasted. Deja vu. If you are a hostage in Russia, side with the hostage takers. They seem to be less likely to kill you than the russian police. And I also heard on Fox News that Putin NOW wants to join the Anti-Terror Coalition. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! We shouldnt let him. The first thing we shoulda said was "Oh, i'm sorry, i thought you had it all under control. I thought you didnt find the need to fight terrorism." Then i woulda gave them the finger right to their fuckin' faces. Funny, everybody hates America until the shit hits the fan. Then who's the first muthafuccas they come to?

While we are on the subject of spine-less, idiotic, back stabbing cowards. I was reading an article about France. Seems like the French government supplied passports and amnesty to Saddam's henchmen in Iraq. So the ones we cant find, I guarantee are in France. I think the US forces should spend 35 minutes of their time and take over France. France has crossed the line one too many times. They shoulda been dealt with a long ass time ago. They should be considered a part of the "Axis of Evil" we keep hearing about. I cant fathom how a country, who we saved from Hitler and destruction, hates us so much. And I dont wanna hear that "because of Bush" shit. France has hated us waaaaaaaaaaaay before Dubya took office. It makes no sense to me. It really doesnt. So I say Fuck It! I'd like to see McDonald's golden Arches on the Eiffel Tower and a leaning tower of Trump. Go jet skiing down the French Riviera. Take the former army of France and exile them to Iraq since they love them so much. You dont need any weapons, those Iraqis are your friends. Enjoy your stay boys.

For those who can't wait to see God.

Well, I told them to RUN with Charley. I told them to RUN with Frances. Now i'm saying it AGAIN. IVAN IS COMING!!! RUN YOU MINDLESS FUCKS!! Look what it did to Grenada. And Jamaica is gonna get hit head on sometime today. Think about it. A hurricane named Charley, ahhh it aint to scary. Sounds like a gay guy. Then a hurricane named Frances. Well, it has the name "france" in it so it's got the ring of "pussy" to it. But this one.....Ivan. Ivan is a hardcore name. If you had to fight a guy, and you found out his name was Ivan, you'd be initmidated. Ivan is the kinda guy who would beat you to a hair of life then make you watch as he fucks your mom. People of Florida...................LEAVE!!!! IVAN IS COMING TO FUCK YOUR MOTHERS!!!!!

Who the fuck is dumb enough to buy this?

If you're not into hip hop, skip this paragraph. I heard snippets of the best hip hop CD since Jay-Z's Blueprint. It's the solo effort from super hip hop producer named The Alchemist. He's done beats for everybody from Jadakiss (We Gon' Make It) to most of Mobb Deep's Amerikka's Nightmare. I'm usually really reserved when I call a cd a classic. But i have to say it.....this cd is a classic. I cannot wait for it to drop. There are few, if any, songs you have to fast forward. That is a sign of a classic. When you can just pop the cd in and let it play. But everybody is on this cd. Jadakiss and the Lox, MOP, Mobb Deep, B-Real, & Nas all make appearances. The beats are definitely off the hook. You can tell Alchemist saved his best shit for his cd (and he should). The album is called "The Alchemist - First Infantry" and it drops on September 21st. Pick it up. You wont be sorry.

Help Ashley Olsen get high.

My friend Evan needs this shirt.

Every morning I get up and watch Fox News before going to work. Usually they have this one broad on the named E.D. Hill. She aint really that special to look at. But occasionally she gets replaced by weekend news anchor Juliet Huddy. GOT DAMN! Man she is fine as fuck. She needs to be on there every morning. She is definitely easy on the eyes. WOW! Fuck that E.D. broad. She needs to stay home and make pancakes. Juliet deserves the head anchor job. I hope Fox comes to their senses.

Well, I'm out. It's gonna be FRIDAY NIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! no big deal, i gotta work in the morning. Life sucks like a toothless hooker.